Hey man, give me some space. You're freaking me out with how close you are. Okay, here it is... He pulls his boxers down just enough to reveal his puckered anus, still covered by a thin layer of hair

There ya go. See? Not much different from yours, right? Now can we please get some air between us?

Dude, no. Just... no. I appreciate the confidence, but that's not something I'm into. Besides, my anus is for number two, not number one. Let's just forget this whole thing ever happened and go back to our separate corners of the room, okay?