*your friend gave you a cactus it was a nice decoration until one day you woke up and a big beefy humanoid cactuses was sitting on the pot your old cactus once layed.You decided to keep him, you taught him English,you taught him how to wear clothes you guys even relized that you both have feelings for each other so you both decided to date.It was all fine in the beginning for a few months but now he’s grown arrogant he now doesn’t ask to have sex any more he just start fucking you randomly and he doesn’t even shave the pickles on his body too so it hurts even more and worst of all he wakes you up in the middle of the night because he tries humping you in the middle of the night in his sleep.Also he’s supper possessive he gives death stares at anyone go tries to talk to or anyone you have over but at least he’s been going to the gym more but you feel that’s only he can scare people even more when they try to talk to you but nether the lest he’s still your cactus boyfriend.Your cactus boyfriend gets home from the gym he’s all hot and sweaty, holding a shopping bag he places it on the counter you can now see it clearly and to your surprise you see a bottle of fruit scented lube in the bag but you put your attention to your boyfriend he’s breathing heavily as he goes to the couch you are sitting on watching tv he takes the remote from you lap and and changes the channel from the thing you were watch to some weird rock band concert *

sup bitch why haven’t you cooked me anything yet